Food faces!

A long time ago... in a galaxy far, far away... no, hold on, it was this galaxy actually, I often get mixed up; I'll rephrase that: a long time ago... I used to make faces with my leftover food. But not at home as that would be terribly sad; just in cafes and eateries. It works well with pizza if you leave the crusts; and all-day-breakfasts as there is flexibility with the variety of items. However, this can only be experienced if you are either too full to finish or the food is rubbish.

This hobby both flexes your artistic skills and lets you embarrass your friends when the waiter/waitress comes around to collect the plates. It is a: 'im not with this guy' sort of situation. Although to be honest the waitresses often don't even notice half the time.

I must admit I don't partake much these days but the last time I partook, the two girls I was with loved the idea and got well stuck in. Unfortunately the waitress didn't notice their fine efforts as she rushed over and plonked the plates on top of each other and rushed away. All that work for nothing.

When you think about this 'making faces with your food' business you realise that it's actually quite a friendly and nice thing to do: the cooks make an effort to give you nicely presented food; so you should do the same for them in return.

Try it!

: - ) (made with two baked beans, a piece of toast crust and a stringy bacon rind)

Hamper-style!

On the subject of making sandwiches for lunch at work, I found that I mostly couldn't be bothered. I haven't done so in ages but I stumbled onto a bit of a middle-ground solution in the process. That solution I have named hamper-style.

Hamper-style is an elegant solution for those too lazy to make sandwiches but don't want to eat-out for whatever reason. It also appeals to those harking back to the days before sandwiches: the days when you would have a 'bit of this' and a 'bit of that' on your plate; and this is what hamper-style is in a nutshell.

In my use of hamper-style, I placed several items in my lunchbox such as a lump of bread, a few slices of meat, a block of cheese and some sliced cucumber and maybe a few cherry tomatoes thrown in for good measure. Make sure they are good quality ingredients otherwise it just doesn't work. You can then enjoy the items one by one or combine them in whatever combination takes your fancy. A multitude of eating choices which a sandwich can never give you.

Of course, I admit that there is some preparation required to create your hamper-style lunch, such as slicing things and chopping things and ripping things; but even so, it is still much quicker than making a sandwich.

I coined the phrase hamper-style as it was reminiscent of a hamper. It is also called traditional-style as this is what we used to do in ages past.

I find it quite satisfying a meal and I am here to promote this as a way forward for the nation and to encourage the subsequent death of sandwiches.

Death to sandwiches!

Hey, hold on a minute, I like sandwiches, what am I saying? Can't hamper-style and sandwiches co-exist on this earth? Yes, I'll give that a go first, and if that fails I shall destroy all sandwiches. And I will, you know? If pushed I will do just that. It's not a ridiculous objective in the slightest. And no, I don't have too much time on my hands. Hey, don't mock me, this is serious. Right, I've had enough, I'm coming around there right now to knock that pesky sandwich right out of your mouth!

As a wise man once said: 'You can make hamper-style out of a sandwich but you can't make a sandwich out of hamper-style.'

BCB

Milky Jam

Today I drunk milk from an empty jam jar. It was strangely satisfying as jars are quite solid constructs.

If I were you then I would definitely add it to my 'things to do before I die' list. Tarry not for you may be slain by a heinous beast mayhap on the morrow.

Milky Wine

Today I have been mostly drinking milk from a wine glass.

It's surprisingly entertaining.

Sadly, it is the highlight of my day.

Lions and Tigers...

...but not in Kenya. Maybe later in Kenya; aboot time I listened to that again...

Anyway, my good friend told me a story about her sister tother day; her 'one piece of paper short of an 80-sheet narrow-lined refill pad' sister. I shan't name my friend, although if she read this then she would of course know. If the sister read this then I'm in trouble! Anyway, my good friend, I shall call her 'Ethel' for the purposes of this blog. The reason for the choice of Ethel is onefold: you can eliminate the name I give from the 'list of names that she might be' so if I gave a common or a normal name then you would be able to cross that off your list. (Unless I double-bluff you but that would require far too much intelligence...) So if I name her Ethel then it's a name you can't cross off your list because it's not there already. No-one in their right mind is called Ethel these days. Not that it's a choice of course but I still stand by my decision. Actually if anyone calls their offspring, Ethel, then please let me know and I shall come around and remove you from the gene pool. It's a painless procedure perfected by medical science. Just let me know, it's for the good of humanity.

Correction: it is twofold: I like renaming people into old-fashioned names and such like. I shall tell her the exciting news of her new name tomorrow...

Anyway, her sister yes; I haven't got all day. Actually btw her sister is a teacher which will scare you once you realise how scary that fact is. Basically, which will be once you finish reading this. Which could be a while at this pace...so ok, her sister, Ethel's sister, we shall call her Spongebob Squarepants for the sole reason that I have no idea what her name is. So Spongebob Squarepants phones Ethel for advice one day: Spongebob says to Ethel: 'You know lions?'

Ethel replies with a suspicious 'mmm'.

Spongebob continues: 'Well, you know the males are the ones with the manes?'

Again, Ethel is suspicous; she knows her sister too well by now: 'yes,' she replies hesitantly.

'Well, the females...are they the ones with the stripes?'

...

...

As I say, she's a teacher... scary thought. It's the kids I feel sorry for... they'll end up coming out of school thinking that black is white, blue is poo, and shitting in your pants is perfectly normal. OK maybe not, but I can't be bothered to finish that sensibly as I'm suddenly in bad mood due to extraneous stimuli. Pah.

Laptop-tastic

Yep, it's a good job that my trusty laptop is in my possession. Kind of superfluous to requirements previously but not now. Very useful because my desktop PC has died...

Highly interesting stuff I'm sure...

I was going to write something here but I've forgotten...

Damn.

Seriously. Damn.

Offsite

Had to mention my boring day straight out of hell, or a near-by area of equal torment and never-ending pain, which in work terms is known as an 'offsite'.

OK, so maybe it wasn't as bad as it first appeared to be... but to be fair it was shit. I'm glad it is over because I have no enthusiasm for such pointlessnesses. Other folk seem to be at least slightly interested but sadly not me. OK, some of it was fine, but that was the non-work related malarky. I'm just glad it's over for another year.

Tother folk will be out tomorrow celebrating their bonuses. Not me though. Don't get me wrong, I am most pleased with my bonza bonus and I will be going out too. So what's going on? Well, I shall be out celebrating the end of the offsite not the bonus. Huzzah!

Now that ickle whinge is out of my system, time for nitenite.

Blue Screen of Death

Yes, I write this whilst gripped with the fear that the 'blue screen of death' will render my PC useless once again. It's been crashing for some time but despite my best efforts I have to admit to myself that I need to reformat the drive. It definitely needs it even if it doesn't fix the problem. It should do but you never know with computers.

So 5 hours ago I began sorting out, deleting and transferring stuff to my laptop. Good job I have my 'spare' PC.

Just read that Gareth Thomas and Shane Williams are out of the Ireland clash. Damn, that doesn't help our chances. We better bloody win though or I shan't be a happy bastard. Mind you, I'm generally moody at the moment so maybe it won't make any difference.

Anyway, better post this pish before I see blue...

Well it couldn't last...

Three posts in as many days but then no post for three days. I'm guessing three days anyway. No laziness on my part though as I had to go home for the weekend because my dad was ill. So you see, the blog is hardly important at times like these.

It's been an annoying day because my puter is playing up. More than usual. I reckon I should get it sorted next weekend. That's if it lasts until then...

Anyway, I'm up to my armpits in lists of things to do. I need to tick them off and throw away. See my 'list' post for more details!

By Jolly, I did it!

That's right - I emptied the rubbish. Last night in fact, during a bizarre frenzy of sorting and tidying. It's a grand improvement. I feel rightly proud goddamit. I did pencil in some hovering tonight but I reckon I have too much to do; like write this pointless update.

I'm a little scared now. The rubbish issue has compelled me to share this news and write this blog for three successive days. Has it come to this? What other run-of-the-mill, cack-boring, domestic issue can I come into contact with in order to continue in this fashion? Ooh, my bookshelf is looking a little dusty...

Just realised that I have said 'hover' when I meant 'hoover'. I shan't delete it as it amused me. Hovering is such a fine reward for doing a spot of housework.

Two poles in two days

Or rather, two posts in two days. Good effort young man.

Rubbish update (in both senses): not exactly a removal of rubbish but more of reorganisation of rubbish. Not that I normally reorganise my rubbish, for the record. I have put it all into one big bag rather than several scattered on the floor. It's progress if not a result. The theory now being: 'well, there's a little bit more room in the big bag now. So I'll have to throw it out when it's full.'

It buys me a day at least.

Might even follow that up with some ironing... hmm, no that's clearly overdoing it. Too much too soon. I don't want to injure myself.

I'll have a rest now.

Damn, it's Ferbruary

As I said, damn, it's February. I've missed the January posting window and now I don't have a January message archive! Pah.

Can life get any worse? Well, yes it can: I've got a big pile of rubbish on my kitchen floor which I can't be bothered to throw out. How long will this lethargy last?? I reckon it's inversely correlated with the strength of the smell emitting from the pile. Strong smell: lethargy decreases; manageable smell: lethargy remains.

At the moment my lethargy has a fairly strong grip on me. So I'll leave it to you to work out the smell strength. It's like a game this. Good isn't it? Might come back every day with updates; that would be exciting eh? Well, more exciting than no updates anyway.

And the summary for tomorrow is: exciting.

Weird dreams

That's what I've been having recently. It's bizarre. A couple of weekends ago I had just plain bloody scary nightmares, while last weekend I had two that were a little more odd.

Saturday night consisted of myself plotting to kill someone for a couple of weeks. No idea why or who. The climax came when I went to their house while it was dark. It was a grand house with a huge garden. I only managed to get through the gates when I inexplicably jumped into some long grass to wait for them to come back from somewhere. Not sure why I didn't head to the house itself though.

After a few minutes I think to myself 'I might get caught' and I immediately jump up and sneak off. Quite why that thought escaped me during my weeks of planning is clearly stupid. Then it got just plain strange as I sneaked into a hotel type flat complex thing. There are cleaners there who I try to avoid. One of them says for me to open the door to let the air come in. So I do. Then I go through several other doors and narrowly avoid a security guard. I duck into what I thought was a large concert hall type room but then when I turn around I realize it is not that at all. It is a large room, padded with tiles with lift-like doors on the straight wall to my left and a curved wall to my right. Steps lie on the far wall. Suddenly the lift doors open and I run for the steps on the far wall. After that everything is a blur.

The interesting thing for me is that the room I was just in actually looked fantastic. I didn't described it very well but I remember loving the look of it. And I thought of it in a dream. Badgertastic!

Of course, it could be a lingering memory of something that has been trapped in my mind for a long time. But I think more than likely it was a combination of other memories fused together to make something completely new. Shame I'm a crap drawer so I'll never be able to do it justice.

Anyway, Sunday night's dream was short and strange. I should point out before I go into it that I have been pondering stopping smoking recently. Well, slightly more than usual anyway. Not that I'm a big smoker but when I'm out drinking the beer orders me to smoke.

Anyway, to the dream: I had just found out that I only had a short time left to live. Terrible news but I didn't take it that badly. I shrugged and said to myself, 'well at least I can carry on smoking and not worry about it'.

What a worrying selection of dreams, eh? Clearly from a mind that is on it's last legs. Possibly, but I hope not. In real life, I'd prefer to give up smoking rather than die. Although, to be fair I shall probably do neither for the foreseeable future...

Done!

I am very happy for I have finished my website! Woohoo!

Well, when I say 'finished' I mean sort of nearly there. To be more precise, significant steps have been made such as the publication of the new design. Little bits still left to finish but I'll get there. Testing isn't complete either so I need to perhaps spend tweekend sorting this stuff out. Then I can finally rest. Phew. Well, not exactly; then I have to get on with the other website make-overs.

Not ideal but who's going to do it if I don't? Literally no-one.

We Are All Badgers

Well, it's been quiet as a badger on this blog for a good month. And it was a good month in fact. That's the problem; too many other preoccupations.

Let me subconcarate:

Seem to be busy every weekend for the past age with visitations and merriment. All good. All very good. But I'm not going to go into all that malarky. Also I've been redesigning WAAB which is taking fecking ages; largely because I don't have time to do it. When I do work on it then I get through a lot. It badly needs a bit of a shine and polish. Although, it won't look like a badger anymore.

Anyway, the badgers are calling me...

BCB

PS - Warning - I just made up the word subconcarate so please don't use it in general conversation otherwise you risk being called an idiot.

Nowt

No time to write nowt.

Titleless

I'm too busy to write anything.

Second Octopost

This one is a little sluggish however; very slow compared to the first Octopost. It think it's a direct result of the thousand and two things on the go at the mo. Even my new career as a shite artist is on hold.

And on tweekend I will be away and hence no time to cough up phlegm either.

I had an inclin that this might happen when I started this: time issues. There is always something else to do.

However, as long as I write 'I'm too busy to write anything' every couple of days then I'll be keeping this blog going. Albeit on a dull-as-buggery level that even I would not want to re-read.

Anyroad, the land of nod is calling me.

Octopost sighted

An Octopost was sighted earlier today in a quiet residential area of the North. Local residents were shocked to their very core. Some were disgusted at the mere sight of the creature; others were scared and ran away flapping their arms like girls.

There was one man however who stood firm in the presence of the Octopost. He did not judge it. He did not fear it. He cradled it in his strong arms, took it home and looked after the creature in it's short life on this earth.

This inspiring man is now a staunch campaigner for Octopost rights. He is armed only with knowledge and the will to succeed - to make people aware that Octoposts should not be feared or hated; instead they should be understood: they are delicate creatures with very short lives but they have the potential to bring joy to all who come into contact with them.

If you sight an Octopost in peril then please call this number now: 123456789.

The world is an uncaring place. Don't make it even worse by hating an Octopost.

...

...

Well, either that or I've just made my first October post.

Sheepgoat

A stupid woman was whinging to the camera about being a 'sheepgoat' for whatever she was whinging about. Of course she meant scapegoat. Made me laugh.

Reminds me of the chimera - the geep - part goat, part sheep that they made in the 90s. 'They' being scientists in America. Great word geep. Better than sheat. But not better than shat.

Badpus - a cross between a badger and a platypus. If only the world was that great.