Christ in a Bucket!

Kind of like a phrase of surprise like 'Christ on a Bike!' but as far as I know the former has not been used before! Hold on while I Google....

Christ in a bucket! There's loads of them! How bizarre. I thought I had invented a new 'Christ' phrase. Oh well, never mind; I'm sure I'll cope...

Anyway, the reason I mentioned it is because I was trying to remember where it came from. This might splurge out of my brain as I type but we'll see...

I definitely know that I was with my mate Stan in the Fantavo coffee bar in Prague train station. It's upstairs - look for the big green signs. The good thing about that place is the actual room it is in. It has a faded charm about it. And it has neat little phone boxes.

Anyway, we stumbled on the subject of religion as we often do; we have big issues about religion, but that's another story. For some reason we stumbled onto the subject of the body and blood of Christ; the concept of the stuff you get in church actually being the blood and body of Christ. It conjures up the image of Jesus being made of soggy rice paper, red wine dripping everywhere. He usually leaves a trail behind him. Our conversation went on to discuss the trials and tribulations that this would bring. These were some of our thoughts, at least what I remember:

We explained why this man had lots of followers as there would always be a crowd following behind him, licking the floor. Several brave souls would even lie on the floor underneath him and wait for the drops. As time went by they got increasingly more cheeky: they would also wring Jesus Christ's arm to get a little more wine out of it. This used to annoy Jesus as his arm would be a limp mess. The times he would have to squeeze his arm back into shape is no one's business.

Once a really hungry dog ran off with his leg whilst he was trying to relax in a park. It was both tiring and embarrassing to have to hop after the trouble-making hound. He finally caught up with the dog and managed to wrestle his leg back from it. He is still embarrassed to this day for smacking the poor dog with a big stick. These are the sort of things they don't mention in the Bible.

Unfortunately the dog had eaten a little of the leg so from that day onwards Jesus had one leg shorter than the other. Explains why he had a limp for most of his life.

The day he was crucified was not really an issue for Jesus. They nailed him to the cross but it did not hurt; they went straight through his rice-paper arms and legs. He'd done much worse trying to chop onions at home. He was always quick to start crying when chopping onions which really doesn't help with the hand-eye co-ordination.

Now to get to the point, I can't quite remember how Jesus Christ ended up in the bucket; it hasn't come to me whilst twoffling this down. I can only assume that several days on the cross in the baking heat would melt a rice-paper man straight into the bucket strategically placed underneath him.

'Christ in a bucket!' the onlookers would say. As I say, I can't quite remember.

I still find it bizarre that there are lots of occurrences of this on tinterweb. I'm shocked but also pleased as I thought it to be an excellent phrase. It's nice to know it is being used.

I apologise to anyone who has read this as I really don't know what I would remember from my conversation from about five weeks ago. I can hardly remember myself, so what hope does anyone else have? Anyway, the purpose of writing down this tale of oddness was so that I can read it in years to come, when I have all but forgotten it's quirks, and thusly I will remember it in glorious technicolour. This is what this blog is for in fact: so that I don't forget stuff. But clearly I need to write things down before I actually forget them. And only then can I safely forget them. Not the other way around as demonstrated here.

'Christ in a Bucket!'

That reminds me of another favourite 'swear phrase when angry' that I have been using recently when for instance my computer buggers up:

'Go fuck a horse.'

Try it. Next time your PC crashes.

'Go fuck a horse.'

Keeps me sane, anyway.

Bear in mind, however, that it's good to vary your 'swear phrase when angry'. So don't get bogged down with one phrase. Use it when it's fresh. But then move on. Don't worry though, you'll know when it's time to move on. We all do, deep down...