Thursday, March 30, 2006

Milky Jam

Today I drunk milk from an empty jam jar. It was strangely satisfying as jars are quite solid constructs.

If I were you then I would definitely add it to my 'things to do before I die' list. Tarry not for you may be slain by a heinous beast mayhap on the morrow.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Milky Wine

Today I have been mostly drinking milk from a wine glass.

It's surprisingly entertaining.

Sadly, it is the highlight of my day.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Lions and Tigers...

...but not in Kenya. Maybe later in Kenya; aboot time I listened to that again...

Anyway, my good friend told me a story about her sister tother day; her 'one piece of paper short of an 80-sheet narrow-lined refill pad' sister. I shan't name my friend, although if she read this then she would of course know. If the sister read this then I'm in trouble! Anyway, my good friend, I shall call her 'Ethel' for the purposes of this blog. The reason for the choice of Ethel is onefold: you can eliminate the name I give from the 'list of names that she might be' so if I gave a common or a normal name then you would be able to cross that off your list. (Unless I double-bluff you but that would require far too much intelligence...) So if I name her Ethel then it's a name you can't cross off your list because it's not there already. No-one in their right mind is called Ethel these days. Not that it's a choice of course but I still stand by my decision. Actually if anyone calls their offspring, Ethel, then please let me know and I shall come around and remove you from the gene pool. It's a painless procedure perfected by medical science. Just let me know, it's for the good of humanity.

Correction: it is twofold: I like renaming people into old-fashioned names and such like. I shall tell her the exciting news of her new name tomorrow...

Anyway, her sister yes; I haven't got all day. Actually btw her sister is a teacher which will scare you once you realise how scary that fact is. Basically, which will be once you finish reading this. Which could be a while at this ok, her sister, Ethel's sister, we shall call her Spongebob Squarepants for the sole reason that I have no idea what her name is. So Spongebob Squarepants phones Ethel for advice one day: Spongebob says to Ethel: 'You know lions?'

Ethel replies with a suspicious 'mmm'.

Spongebob continues: 'Well, you know the males are the ones with the manes?'

Again, Ethel is suspicous; she knows her sister too well by now: 'yes,' she replies hesitantly.

'Well, the females...are they the ones with the stripes?'



As I say, she's a teacher... scary thought. It's the kids I feel sorry for... they'll end up coming out of school thinking that black is white, blue is poo, and shitting in your pants is perfectly normal. OK maybe not, but I can't be bothered to finish that sensibly as I'm suddenly in bad mood due to extraneous stimuli. Pah.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


Yep, it's a good job that my trusty laptop is in my possession. Kind of superfluous to requirements previously but not now. Very useful because my desktop PC has died...

Highly interesting stuff I'm sure...

I was going to write something here but I've forgotten...


Seriously. Damn.