Dimension Jumper vs Cardboard Man and the Fake Loch Ness Monster

I had a rather disturbing dream the other night:

I was getting into a lift. But I was somehow aware that if the doors closed behind me then I'd get transported to another dimension. I got transported a few times, much to my annoyance. But for some reason I was determined to beat it. So I had an idea: I got out of the lift and I tried to reach in and press the button, hoping that the lift would go and I wouldn't be transported; but I got transported again. Who knows what I was really trying to achieve.

Then the next thing I remember I was standing facing a staircase and there was a flat piece of cardboard lying rather ominously at the bottom of the stairs. Nothing weird about that, surely? But suddenly, before my very eyes, the piece of cardboard inflated into the shape of a man. The whole inflating process was very impressive to behold, thinking back that is. However, at the time I was very scared of this inflating cardboard freak. You'd be surprised at how scary a self-inflated piece of cardboard is. The fully-inflated cardboard man then advanced towards me in a 'I'm going to rip your limbs off and shove them down your throat' fashion, but thankfully I don't remember what happened next. Presumably he didn't succeed, as the dream moved on:

Suddenly, I was sat around a table with some friends, having fun, chatting. They were telling me the story of when they were driving around one night and one of them was standing up in the car, poking out of the sunroof, and dressed very unconvincingly as the Loch Ness Monster. I could picture it perfectly, and they were right - it was a terribly unconvincing Loch Ness Monster costume. Anyway they were nearly home, when suddenly another car drove straight towards them and rammed into them. The driver of this other car thought it was the real Loch Ness Monster on the rampage, and tried to kill it. What a stupid moron; how could he possibly think that ridiculous Loch Ness Monster costumer was the "real" Loch Ness Monster? Not to mention that it was driving around in a car. What an idiot. I laughed a lot when they told me.

In the dream I mean. Which is nice as you don't often laugh at something stupid in a dream. I also laughed once I woke up, which prompted this exercise in sharing.

Don't you hate it when people tell you their dreams? They have no real point or direction and they are usually just fragments loosely joined together. It's like reading a story written by a five-year old. "Wow, that's amazing, Horatio, you're going to grow up to be a famous novelist."

Obviously this dream is the exception - it's a powerful story full of emotional impact, and excitement that could kill a man. In fact, I feel so strongly that this amazing story should be shared across the world, that I have completely removed copyright from it and will forgo all royalties, so you may use it and retell it as you wish. Perhaps for the basis of the next summer movie blockbuster? I can see it now:

"Dimension Jumper vs Cardboard Man and the Fake Loch Ness Monster"

I would definitely go and see a film called Dimension Jumper vs Cardboard Man and the Fake Loch Ness Monster.

Yes, you are right, my kindness knows no bounds, I am amazing. I am, of course, aware of this fact, but it's always nice to be told.

I am also aware of the fact that I am not a dribbling moron with half a banana stuck out of my ear. But it's always nice to be told.

Underwater Sea Oscillator - Part 2

The answer is 'no' by the way - I haven't dreamt of the underwater sea oscillator again. Shame.

The underwater sea oscillator sounds like something from a Studio Ghibli production. If that were true, it probably wouldn't be an underwater creature at all - it would be flying through the air, floating over sprawling metropolis and lush green wilderness, with not a care in the world. It would not even register the minuscule creatures on the ground, attempting to bombard it with their minuscule weapons.

But it's only because they are frightened; they do not understand it. In time they will realise that the underwater sea oscillator brings peace, not war.

Typical Ghibli. You gotto love them.

Underwater Sea Oscillator

I had a dream last night and in that dream was an underwater sea oscillator. I don't remember what it looked like but at the time I remember looking at it and saying with a certain degree of knowledge: 'That's an underwater sea oscillator.'

When I woke up I wrote the name down as I liked the sound of it; despite the redundant language - bit of tautology in action right there. (PNS Syndrome anyone?)

Any ideas what this strange creature could be? I consider it to be a grand beast; one that drifts along the ocean currents with little to worry it's dignified mindset; confident in it's own strengths. I wonder if I shall dream of the underwater sea oscillator tonight...

Weird dreams

That's what I've been having recently. It's bizarre. A couple of weekends ago I had just plain bloody scary nightmares, while last weekend I had two that were a little more odd.

Saturday night consisted of myself plotting to kill someone for a couple of weeks. No idea why or who. The climax came when I went to their house while it was dark. It was a grand house with a huge garden. I only managed to get through the gates when I inexplicably jumped into some long grass to wait for them to come back from somewhere. Not sure why I didn't head to the house itself though.

After a few minutes I think to myself 'I might get caught' and I immediately jump up and sneak off. Quite why that thought escaped me during my weeks of planning is clearly stupid. Then it got just plain strange as I sneaked into a hotel type flat complex thing. There are cleaners there who I try to avoid. One of them says for me to open the door to let the air come in. So I do. Then I go through several other doors and narrowly avoid a security guard. I duck into what I thought was a large concert hall type room but then when I turn around I realize it is not that at all. It is a large room, padded with tiles with lift-like doors on the straight wall to my left and a curved wall to my right. Steps lie on the far wall. Suddenly the lift doors open and I run for the steps on the far wall. After that everything is a blur.

The interesting thing for me is that the room I was just in actually looked fantastic. I didn't described it very well but I remember loving the look of it. And I thought of it in a dream. Badgertastic!

Of course, it could be a lingering memory of something that has been trapped in my mind for a long time. But I think more than likely it was a combination of other memories fused together to make something completely new. Shame I'm a crap drawer so I'll never be able to do it justice.

Anyway, Sunday night's dream was short and strange. I should point out before I go into it that I have been pondering stopping smoking recently. Well, slightly more than usual anyway. Not that I'm a big smoker but when I'm out drinking the beer orders me to smoke.

Anyway, to the dream: I had just found out that I only had a short time left to live. Terrible news but I didn't take it that badly. I shrugged and said to myself, 'well at least I can carry on smoking and not worry about it'.

What a worrying selection of dreams, eh? Clearly from a mind that is on it's last legs. Possibly, but I hope not. In real life, I'd prefer to give up smoking rather than die. Although, to be fair I shall probably do neither for the foreseeable future...