Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Lions and Tigers...

...but not in Kenya. Maybe later in Kenya; aboot time I listened to that again...

Anyway, my good friend told me a story about her sister tother day; her 'one piece of paper short of an 80-sheet narrow-lined refill pad' sister. I shan't name my friend, although if she read this then she would of course know. If the sister read this then I'm in trouble! Anyway, my good friend, I shall call her 'Ethel' for the purposes of this blog. The reason for the choice of Ethel is onefold: you can eliminate the name I give from the 'list of names that she might be' so if I gave a common or a normal name then you would be able to cross that off your list. (Unless I double-bluff you but that would require far too much intelligence...) So if I name her Ethel then it's a name you can't cross off your list because it's not there already. No-one in their right mind is called Ethel these days. Not that it's a choice of course but I still stand by my decision. Actually if anyone calls their offspring, Ethel, then please let me know and I shall come around and remove you from the gene pool. It's a painless procedure perfected by medical science. Just let me know, it's for the good of humanity.

Correction: it is twofold: I like renaming people into old-fashioned names and such like. I shall tell her the exciting news of her new name tomorrow...

Anyway, her sister yes; I haven't got all day. Actually btw her sister is a teacher which will scare you once you realise how scary that fact is. Basically, which will be once you finish reading this. Which could be a while at this pace...so ok, her sister, Ethel's sister, we shall call her Spongebob Squarepants for the sole reason that I have no idea what her name is. So Spongebob Squarepants phones Ethel for advice one day: Spongebob says to Ethel: 'You know lions?'

Ethel replies with a suspicious 'mmm'.

Spongebob continues: 'Well, you know the males are the ones with the manes?'

Again, Ethel is suspicous; she knows her sister too well by now: 'yes,' she replies hesitantly.

'Well, the females...are they the ones with the stripes?'

...

...

As I say, she's a teacher... scary thought. It's the kids I feel sorry for... they'll end up coming out of school thinking that black is white, blue is poo, and shitting in your pants is perfectly normal. OK maybe not, but I can't be bothered to finish that sensibly as I'm suddenly in bad mood due to extraneous stimuli. Pah.

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